Almost defected

I always try to stay back a little before leaving work. If I leave at 5pm sharp the traffic is stupid, 5.30 is a little better, 6.30PM it’s usually a great run home. Tonight was one of those nights where I dunked a beer and stayed back a little. Just when I exited Zen Garage there was a Paddy Wagon in the left lane. They were going left. I was going right onto Balmain road, but once the light went green they flashed their lights and followed me left.

I pulled over in a bus lane and a young male cop came up to the window and said my wheels were too big. In a calm fashion I explained that they’re of a legal size. He asked if I had anything to drink, yes I had, breath test, AOK. He then got me to hop out of my car. At this stage his partner, a young female, was quite excited at how low my car was, and was pointing at the rear tyre and guard. They were concerned that the tyre was underneath the guard, she then started trying to poke her pen into a non-existant gap.

I tried to explain that whilst yes, the car is lowered, the lowest point of the car exceeds 10cm. She was trying to tell me the gap between the tyres and the guard was not 10cm… I tried a few more times to explain that it has nothing to do with the wheel gap, but the distance form the lowest point of the car to the ground. At this stage he mentioned he’d have to give me a defect, to which I mentioned that I run Zen Garage around the corner, and insisted that it’s not about the gap between the tyre and the wheel arch, and I asked them to please check my record, it’s clean. I’m 37, and I’m not a hoon.

He ended up checking my record, and came back to let me know that he’s not a mechanic, so he called highway patrol, who would be there in 10 minutes. 15 minutes later (felt a LOT longer as Balmain road is crazy busy and I copped a lot of stares form cyclist, pedestrians and drivers sitting in traffic) hwy patrol got there, had a few laughs with the cops that pulled me over, then proceeded to check my car from behind.

They asked me to pop my bonnet, which I took as an opportunity to hop out of my car to have a chat. Factory intake, nothing out of the norm here sir. Car is lowered so it corners better on the circuit, it’s not lowered for looks alone, the younger of the two hwy officers understood this. I also explained that the car looks lower in the rear, but it’s not, the chassis is parallell to the ground. I re-iterated all that stuff about my age, that it has been set up for fun on the circuit, that the tyres don’t rub as they’re damn expensive tyres, and that the car is dead quiet. He asked me to turn the car on, we moved to the back of the car and he agreed, it was quiet enough. I mention the 10cm rule, and he grabbed a plastic breathalizer tube, which he said was 10cm, and said this should fit under your lip. It juuuust fit. I shat my pants a little, but laughed out loud (what a relief), and suggested that yup, I knew what I was doing!

He then proceeded to tell me that they’re great cars these EVOs, and that he does pull over a few of them, but more because their owners are driving recklessly. I told them all I understood why they pulled me over, it’s low, has a big wing, etc… and that if I had the cash I’d be driving something more invisible, like a C63!

The young officer who initially pulled me over thanked me for being patient for the HWY Patrol to get there, and then apologised for wasting my time, and then I was free to go.