More proof that it pays to invest into your own platforms than others. With thousands of my photographs flagged NSFW I figure it’s best to simply tear my photography tumblr down, but that’s been far from simple as removing the thousands of images hasn’t been easy. The tumblr mass editor only let me manually select and delete 100 images at a time. It’s taken me just under 1.5hrs to delete all my images dating back to 2014.
The ZEN Tumblr is all broken too. Many images of motorcycles and art have been flagged and there’s no easy way for us to delete all these flagged posts as lots of them are reblogs (we didn’t upload the original image). We’ve found a theme that allows us to embed our Soundcloud Playlist without either spitting out the code, or making the playlist restart every time you want to load more images. It’s a hack, but hey, hacking has always been the way forward, right?!
Gary Vaynerchuk (it’s no wonder they call him Gary Vee) is an entrepreneurial/motivational speaker type which many have suggested I check out. I tend to smell what I like and don’t like quicker than most, my physical gut is weak from IBS but my “gut gut” (which I use to trust my feelings and instincts over logic) is the real dealio and the gut that gets put to the test more often than the other these days.
My “gut gut” says that Gary V is in the same basket as that orange book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, a book which is in high rotation atm, written by some famous blogger who’s not famous enough to be mentioned by name over his book title. “Don’t knock it until you read it Justin” — Fuck I hate it when people say that. I swear I’d be broke from buying all the crap people suggest I buy, but hey, I tried to buy the book. I read the marketing jargon on the front and back, saw how huge the type size was inside and just couldn’t bring myself to be another statistic. I ended up having a mate send me the audio book for it and hey… I get it, the guy speaks like I do (I assume because he’s my age or thereabouts) though he’s saying shit I already know… and I just couldn’t make it past the first chapter.
Then there’s vlogger Casey Neistat, known for overproduced film techniques like mounting your camera on something (like a railing, a bench in the park etc.) and record yourself waking by or entering a building. I hate that fake shit and hate it that most if not all vloggers do what Casey says. They say jump and you say how high.
OK so back to Gary Vee. Turns out he was born in 1975, same year as me! I like him already (bias is a great thing!). That makes Gary 44yrs old this year and man props to him for hustling as hard as he currently is. It can’t be easy to keep that energy level up 24/7 at this age.
His professional background is similar to mine. I was a graphic designer for the most part, but I too ended up in digital marketing and social media as Gary has. Where he’s radically different to me is that his net worth is $160 million and he’s married and has kids.
I watched one of his more recent talks. His intro to the stage was, as expected, damn cringy; Loud music, smoke machines and an overly excited host who’s dress was louder than her microphone, which was 10 times louder than Gary’s microphone!
The entire talk was aimed at getting the audience to value, then harness the power of social media advertising on Instagram and Facebook. At the end of his talk he did a Q&A session where one young guy asks a stupid question which Gary absolutely shot down. I always was that guy that put his hand up in school to ask a stupid question, and I too was shot down and made fun of for asking, so as fucking stupid as the guy that asked the question was I’m not sure he deserved to be singled out so savagely.
What’s interesting is the video linked above starts with the dumb question, which was along the lines of asking if there was anything else out there in marketing apart from Facebook and Instagram, to which Gary tore the guy another hole (as his entire talk was to inspire people to advertise through Instagram and Facebook). Hey I love tearing people another hole too, but I’m not sure I would have cut the burn out from the Q&A, then paste it at the very front of the video for bonus points.
But just listening to how Gary tears this guy another hole makes me relate. He’s blunt, I like that. I’m like that. He doesn’t really care for you, but he’s willing to give you all the secrets, the tools and it’s your choice whether you want to use them, or not, and that frustration of ‘kids’ not taking action on the energy and insight given is something I share big time. Gary suggests that the only way he feels AOK with sharing his secrets (being that you must advertise on Facebook and Instagram in order to be successful today) is because 90% of the audience won’t do what he says anyways. That’s a HUGE factor you that you just can’t ignore. It’s real, and I feel it’s the honest truth about our youth. It’s so beautiful I wish I said it.
Another thing Gary nails on the head is that everyone in the audience that was in their 40’s has an advantage in that we knew what life was before the internet. We lived full lives. This thought kinda blows my mind. I already knew I had an advantage for being there from the start of the internet. I know I was one of the first web designers in the country and I most likely made more money than most creatives in their 20s during the dot com boom.
“Advantages we have in todays business world is that we have context of what the world looked like pre-internet. We lived a full childhood pre-internet. We lived life. This allows us to context what was possible, and how much it cost pre-internet and what’s possible, and how much it cost post-internet.”
The last thing I took away from watching this one talk of Gary’s is that he strongly believes in doing everything for his audience. He doesn’t believe in creating content that he personally wants to see, he believes you have to put your audience first and post what you think they want to see.
Gotta say… I TOTALLY disagree with this crap!
Sure, whilst Gary Vee has 20yr olds sucking his dick in all his Q&A’s, with nearly every person that gets on the mic saying they love him (to which he responds “I love you too!”), OR they demand a hug or selfie with the man on stage, to which he also happily complies, I highly doubt that Gary truly appreciates his fans as much as they do him.
I believe that I’ve experienced enough of life and worked hard enough to say that I’m an individual, and that I’m worthy of curating and promoting what I believe to be good or not (as opposed to posting what I know the kids like already). Where Gary Vee is comfortable in serving his audience what he thinks they like, I find that way too easy and choose to take the path less traveled by.
With regards to ZEN, my last business partner has acknowledged that there’s a lot of my DNA in the company and that’s why moves have been made for me to buy his share out and take complete ownership of the brand.
Ultimately I’m trying to run a company as me, myself and I. Running a company as an individual doesn’t really come with any rule books, whether it pays out or not is yet to be seen but my “gut gut” says that so long as I stay true to myself I should be good.
Despite losing over 1,000 followers on Facebook we’ve had a lot of positive feedback and an increase in sales over the past month. Special thanks especially to all who sent replies to our automated shop email. You guys truly get it.
Massive apologies for being slow on sending out your orders. Right now orders are backing up. There has been an unexpected and sudden death in the family and at the same time ZEN Garage is also undergoing new ownership. Our stock has been relocated and we’re currently on the hunt for new pack and send staff.
To the haters and trolls. Ignore the haters they say, but we do what we like and see nothing wrong with acknowledging that you guys exist and that you’re not happy. Our motto; IT’S OK IF YOU DON’T GET IT isn’t meant to be said with anger. It’s said with understanding. We acknowledge your confusion. Trying to pigeon hole us as nothing more than a ‘car page’ must be damn frustrating for you guys, but truth is we’ve never been just a ‘car page’.
IE: We’re genuinely trying to say that if you don’t understand or like what we do, or why we do what we do, then it truly is AOK, but please don’t expect us to live to please you and to post what we think you might like as that’s truly an impossibility for us. If you’re looking to follow ‘car pages’ we can suggest a few of our local friends: THE-LOWDOWN.com | gripshiftslide.com | Street-Cover | Tuned. | Downshift | Sakura Status 桜 | Mighty Car Mods | AutoCult. Network
One of, if not the biggest reveals at E3 2017 was Anthem. Watch the gameplay reveal in the video above, ignore the fact that the game is being made by EA Games/Bioware, ignore the cheesy dialogue, look at that lush world. Quite impressive, right? When I saw this reveal in 2017 I called absolute bullshit. The scene in the hub where your character speaks to that random guy, come oooooonnnnn, that can’t be live?! It looked so pre-rendered to me, there was just no way the game was going to look that pretty live and too right, the game is out now and the downgrades are savage.
All the YouTube reviews that matter are strongly suggesting that right now, gamers DO NOT BUY THIS GAME as it’s an unfinished and unbalanced buggy mess. Whilst it might be safe to buy the game in a few months when they’ve sorted out a few teething issues, some things might not be able to be fixed at all such as the abundance of long loading screens (oh this is a deal breaker for me!), dead hub, a map that looks the same wherever you go, repetitive game structure, weak story and cheesy dialogue.
A comparison between the Anthem E3 2017 Gameplay Demo and the Public Demo (2019).
In reaction to E3 and downgrade culture I did a podcast in January 2018 outlining the importance of TRANSPARENCY, especially in relation to business. Sadly, the lack of transparency in the gaming industry is still just as rampant today as it was when I made this podcast despite the big guns on YouTube calling out the devs and firing shots this entire time.
The internet is smarter than you — Transparency and being an honest business will get you far.
Am I surprised about the downgrade? Not at all. Am I upset about it? Nope. Would things be different if I bought in on the hype and pre-ordered the game? Most likely. I’d say all those who pre-bought and are currently playing the game are already defending because they’ve already committed so much time into living with the bugs, the server disconnect and reconnect issues and sitting through loading screen after loading screen.
You’ve got to be in it to win it, but in this case I’m glad I went with my gut and made the choice to sit on the sidelines.
Controller from my first console, the Atari 2600. Woodgrain baby, woodgrain!
I watched a fair few ‘gaming addiction’ related documentaries on Youtube last year. There are a couple of really good ones BTW, especially loved this one by SBS Dateline where young Korean boys are sent off to rehab to cure their addiction.
How much gaming is too much? The answer is debatable, but I know 15-20hrs a day playing games is indisputably too much, and yet when I was doing it I was quite proud of myself for being more hardcore than even the most hardcore of hardcore gamers out there. “Thumbs of steel!”, these were just the kind of comments I was fishing for when I bragged about breaking landmark levels and hours played.
Speaking of hours wasted (Oh that’s harsh… geez I’m quick to go 180 aren’t I?!), finishing the main storyline and a handful of side quests on a good role playing game (RPG) averages around 30hrs. I’m much more keen on end-game though where the ceiling on upgrading gear and character development are lifted and the carrot dangles forever.
I’ve spent 1,953hrs on The Division (most of these hours were spent in group play with mic active), 1,405hrs on Warframe (mostly keyboard chat), 692hrs combined in Destiny 1 & 2 (50/50 mic play and solo no comms) and 2,308hrs so far on Black Desert Online (BDO), a Massively Multiplayer Online (MMO) game which I play mostly alone (not the point of MMO’s but hey, go your own way?!). Worth noting; there are a lot of ‘away from keyboard’ (AFK) activities in BDO (I fish!) so the number is inflated.
Now that I’ve got the bragging out of the way I realise that those massive numbers aren’t anything to brag about. Much like how I’m not advocating for weed so much at the moment, where I was once so proud to push weed into people’s faces I now realise how much of a passive aggressive dick I’d been.
Whenever the experts suggest that 2hrs gaming a day is more than enough I’d snicker, no fucking way could I keep up with the boys if I was only gaming 2hrs a day. But wow, seriously, without the bong I now find myself struggling to spend 2hrs of quality gaming time in any game. It now absolutely boggles my mind that the boys can play games until 3am nearly every work night whilst their wives and kids are asleep. I’ve been missing the boys, missing my daily login rewards on BDO… I’m not even doing AFK fishing FFS.
For me, bonging and gaming every waking hour, (and every non-waking hour as I often had epic long microsleeps whilst gaming) caused extreme sleep depravation, which caused poor health both inside and out to the point I didn’t want to see people, or for them to see me (I have an unhealthy soft spot for social isolation/being a hermit) which led me to depression and eventually suicidal thoughts.
In relation to problems; people say “sleep on it” but I’m more of a “I’ll sleep when I’m dead!” kinda guy, but the unfortunate truth is the shorter your sleep the shorter your life. Sitting for tens of hours straight (well, slouched on a couch) took a toll on my body. I forgot to care for the important things that I wasn’t doing, things that really matter like moving and getting a good nights sleep!
TL;DR, Staying awake gaming was my problem. 2hrs gaming at most per day, with regular sleep at the same time every night, for the same amount of hours every day has been my solution.
Writing as Art. Is it a thing? I had to google it.
I enjoyed creative writing in high school, and throughout high school I kept a hand written diary which I made entries in quite religiously.
Recently I rummaged through a plastic tub full of high school love letters and diaries (a memory container!). In it I found A4 sheets stapled and taped together, when un-ravelled and laid out on the floor it went from my lounge room to the hallway in length! I instantly remembered what this was. It was a thing we used to do at Edwina’s place. Punch a cone, go to the A4 sheet on the wall and write.
It was your choice whether to continue on, or debate, or contribute or completely ignore the previous entry, whatever the case, you just had to write your bit. I started reading some of it; “Fluorescence! We are fluorescence!”, it’s all pretty whack, but quite beautiful and mind altering. All of this is the very definition of creative writing to me.
I wrote a lot throughout university but I no longer hand wrote. I used a typewriter for a year but finally caved in and started using the computer to write.
Initially I was writing everything in Outlook Express, an email app. Outlook would underline spelling errors in red and sentences that were too long in red too. I got better at writing by using Outlook. I started to spell better and I also started to learn how to order a sentence better by cutting and pasting words from back to front and vice versa. This cutting and pasting was something I couldn’t do on the typewriter so I never went back.
Eventually I got sick of Outlook as it didn’t accept my writing style. I try to write how I speak. I ramble a lot and thus I use a lot of dots… every time I’d use these pauses I’d get red lines and having red lines all over the place whilst I was writing was really starting to piss me off.
I’ve heard of multi-platform add-ons I can use to check my spelling and grammar but I’m not too interested to be honest. I’m not getting too many red underlines right now, looks like either I’ve finally conformed to how my computer wants me to write, or AI has honed in, recognised and accepted the way I write?! Creepy… right?!
This feature will be broken down into the following parts:
– My Story.
– How I have supported Cars For Hope since 2011.
– Where were Cars For Hope when I needed them most?
– Building a better bridge.
My Story.
I’m 44 years old this year and I’ve just survived my darkest days to date. Last year I smoked an ounce of chronic marijuana a week (wake and bake 4.20AM-Midnight every day). I didn’t sleep in my bed. I pissed in empty soft drink bottles instead of using my toilet. I turned off social media and turned away friends who rang my doorbell. I spent a lot of time gaming and researching ways to kill myself. I attempted suicide towards the end of last year but I bailed out hard on the night I tried to actually go through with it. Call it a mid-life-crisis, but it was a hell of a lot more hardcore than any depression I’d ever felt in my younger years.
I’m a “rehab is for quitters” kinda guy. Seeing a therapist was something I never wanted to do as my preconception of them was rather pessimistic. My mother had to pick me up and make sure I attended the sessions, if anything therapy got me out of the house and closer to my mum, but it wasn’t enough.
Being told to go out and get some sun, or hop back on your bike and start riding, these were extremely logical tips on how to get better, but when you’re down in a hole you just can’t act on logic. Even if you wanted to save yourself you can’t. Absolutely nothing can help you get out.
I was advised by my therapist to see my GP. My GP freaked out when he saw how skinny I was (51kgs down from 60kgs), he then freaked out when I said I’d been having suicidal thoughts and have felt really down for the last 6–12 months. He had no option but to get me on antidepressants as 6–12 months of being down in his opinion was way too long left untreated. I’ve never wanted to be on meds, but I realised that I didn’t have any more power to help myself, and meds were the only way forward.
I’ve spent 6 months in therapy which I found more helpful than the psychologist I was recommended. I’m now only seeing my psychiatrist every 4 weeks or so to hone in my medicine (which is treating me for bipolar more than depression, though I have been diagnosed with having both). I’m not completely sober, but I’ve broken the bong and I’m now more sober than I’ve ever been in my entire adult life. Being straight is way more hardcore than being stoned, but I’m loving the clarity and my productivity so I intend to keep it up.
How I have supported Cars For Hope since 2011.
I first heard of Cars For Hope (CFH) in 2011 when I was setting up ZEN Garage Leichhardt. I checked out the CFH web site and felt that all of what I read was a bit vague so I called Berty out on it and the rest is history.
ZEN Garage was the only physical bricks and mortar shop you could buy CFH stickers from. We were also the only online shop selling them. Over the years we’ve proudly displayed banners and advertisements on our sites, forums and cars. We’ve sold tens of thousands of CFH stickers with all profits going to CFH. Some weeks we sold more CFH stickers than our own!
In 2013 Berty took a full time job with Motor Culture who shared an office space with us at ZEN Garage Leichhardt. We had a few years there working side by side in the same office where we didn’t spend any quality time talking CFH. An opportunity wasted in retrospect as I believe CFH could do with a lot more discussion and development.
Where were Cars For Hope when I needed them most?
When I was down in the hole I wondered why CFH hadn’t reached out to me. I wondered why my friend Berty from CFH didn’t reach out to me. My last memory of Berty was being a referee, talking to a recruitment agency on the phone for half an hour waxing lyrical about how amazing Berty was as he was going for a job with the NRMA (he got that job too!).
When I spoke to Berty recently to question him about his absence, he let me know that he got messages from people in the automotive community who were concerned for me. I’m like; “why the fuck didn’t you pass those messages on to me Berty?!”. At one stage I finally did go to the CFH web site looking for help. I saw the “FIND HELP” button and clicked it, it loads a wall of text suggesting CFH aims to provide a bridge, but CFH rinses it’s hands of any legal responsibility, so instead, please call the recommended hotlines below, but keep in mind CFH also clears itself from any responsibility the hotlines may provide.
I just shut the browser window. Calling my mother was impossible when I was down in a hole, let alone calling some random on a hotline.
Building a better bridge.
There’s a story section on the CFH web site and from what I’ve read, it’s great except I’m a bit iffy on stories being written by anonymous people, some of which have hidden their age too. I’ve noticed hardly any comments on any of the stories, that’s a bit worrying considering engagement could be life saving on the topic of depression.
If CFH intends to be a bridge, where was my bridge? Can there be a better bridge?
Nothing worse than wrapping up a feature on the topic of depression with “well that’s a wrap, be safe kids!”. I’ve reached out to Berty to organise a real life meeting with the CFH team. I’m hopeful that will happen soon. More importantly I’m hoping that by publishing this we can generate some legitimate ideas and solutions to form a better bridge. Perhaps a Twitch CFH Channel where there could be a real human being on chat for a few hours/week or month, just to… well, chat! Personally I’d love to contribute my time and energy into chatting in some sort of open discussion/open forum with the CFH community.
On a small/er note; I believe CFH should be careful with corporate language; “Trust us, it’s worth it.”, “limited edition kit” and “We’re going to show the world that carsforhope is louder than self-injury.” reek of corp. talk. We spend so much time and energy navigating words which try to get the better of us, when looking for help it would be nice to land somewhere soft but real.
I’ve been on 3 tablets of Quetiapine per day for the past 40 days now (25mg/tablet 75mg all up). Quetiapine takes effect on me fast, about 30 minutes from dunking them. Since I’m no longer napping during the day I’m already quite sleepy by midnight, which is when I dunk all 3 and go straight to bed. I get a solid 5hrs sleep every single time doing it this way.
Dr. Hyde assured me that it was OK to dunk tablets during the day if I felt like a mood swing was coming on, but when I do have Quetiapine by day I turn into a zombie and I end up napping. I tried not taking any at all one night, I had a rough sleep and felt down the next day (started the day off on the wrong foot and couldn’t turn it around). I’m meant to have the tablets at about 9PM but when I do I get up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep. I’ve tried taking only 2 tablets instead of 3 and I wake up too early. I’ve not tried taking 4, could be good, but I’m afraid to have any more if I don’t need more.
The speedy body high’s I’ve been feeling have subsided somewhat, but I’m still going a million miles an hour. Speedy as fuck in my head. I feel short of breath, like my heart is beating fast. I’m literally bashing the keys right now as I type. I have only one speed and it’s full steam ahead, all cylinders firing.
Today I saw Dr. Hyde and reported all the above (and more). He agrees I look and sound better (I’m 62kgs today and was 51kg’s when I first saw him, he says I’m still too skinny and could do with more weight!). He also thinks that lots of the boundless energy I have now has to do with being more sober than I have been in a very long time. IE: For the past few months I’ve felt like I broke something up there in my head, but maybe it’s more that I’ve never been sober.
He’s not too happy about my drinking situation. I don’t drink every night, but when I open a bottle I finish it, every time. I scull my wines too. He says 1 glass would be AOK, 2 at most, but not a whole bottle. Having 1-3 joints a day isn’t great either, but the alcohol is more of a worry to him at the moment. Personally I don’t think I’ll have an issue with cutting down the wine, or the weed as I’m cutting it down more and more as we go in any case.
Whilst I like to think in my mind that the Quetiapine is just a sleeping tablet. It’s not. Dr. Hyde was quick to remind me that it’s still acting as an anti-depressant (even though I am off Effexor antidepressants) and mood stabiliser which affects my every day. He reminded me once more that I’m on a very low dose, and Quetiapine only really works on bipolar patients when given in much higher doses. He believes my mood is at least stable (I’d say yes, only just… but definitely more stable than ever this year) and that I should try to up my dose to 100mg, or even 150mg.
The plan is to take 100mg at midnight from now on. If I end up getting more than 5hrs sleep I’ll start taking the Quetiapine earlier so I can still see the sun rise every morning. I’ll also cut down on drinking to 2 glasses/night max and I’m really struggling to make joints at all now that the kief has run dry. Joints are mostly rollie tobacco with a sprinkling of kief.. I’m basically down to stems and I was told not to smoke stems (not sure exactly why, I assume they hold more chemicals, or something?!).
The first old face I got to catch up with, thanks Michael for the chat and the shade!
Comparing old man bellies!
LOL! Holy shit Sam. I only just found this via a social media tag: http://chongland.com/2019/02/16/get-the-fox-out/ – I love it! Thanks SO much Sam for letting me chew your ear off, for the ADVAN T, for getting me out of the house and back again!!!
