Gotta Have Faith

I’m seeing a separated woman of strong faith (it’s complicated). Her husband (also of strong faith) broke one of the Ten Commandments. They have a gorgeous 4 year old son and have decided to go through divorce.

Does what we do here on Earth even matter? It’s hard for me to believe it does when, every now and then, you get blaringly loud signs from God that you’re not at all in control of your own life.

A few months ago I met 2 Elders. I’m thankful to both of them for taking the time out to invite a total stranger into their home. They listened to what I had to say; everything from earbashing Mormons on weekends as a kid to vultures trying to convert Dad to Catholicism on his dying bed.

Through visual storytelling they helped me to see Religion in different ways, they helped me to understand that God is not to there to be blamed for what others do wrong, it’s more about your personal relationship with God, and his offer to walk beside him is there for me if I wanted it.

They tried to convert me on the spot, but I ninja turtled into my shell. They’re not going to get me that easily! They then asked if I was at least willing to try to talk to God before I left. To make a prayer. I did this without much hesitation, and realised that speaking to God feels just like speaking to Dad.

When I speak to Dad I ask him to please look after my mother and sister (sometimes out loud at his gravestone, sometimes in mind), I feel that I speak to my father like one would speak to God.

I was then asked if it would be OK if they said a prayer for me. Of-course! I was SO down! They asked for God to show me a sign within the next 7 days, a sign so strong that I wouldn’t have any doubt about God’s existence.

I got that sign too, LOUD & CLEAR.

My mother let me know that an esoteric family friend looked into my future and told her that if I don’t settle down with this married woman, I won’t get another chance again to have kids and a normal family life. I’m like Mum, please.

Later that afternoon said married woman and I were slothing on the couch going through design posts on my personal blog, we scrolled all the way back to 2013 (yes we were bored) and we came across an interview I did with raised by wolves.

It’s a good interview! I really enjoyed re-reading it as I felt it encompassed quite a few of the things I had going on, that I’d like to get going on again!

The next morning the doorbell rang and I took delivery of this amazing parcel.

It’s the sign I was looking for! A smack in the face! A printed edition of raised by wolves with the interview that I did in 2013, the interview that I just happened to read last night, printed and laid out so beautifully in front of my eyes in the morning.

OK. So God exists. Does that change anything? Well… not really?!

I have more questions, and so long as I have questions I’ll forever ask them… because to question is to live, right?!

I’m a good person, but I could be a better person. I could learn to better respect others’ beliefs, to better listen and learn from them before so quickly deciding whether to give influence or take influence.

I believe God exists, but to be a good person has nothing to do with Religion.