Category Archives: Spam

Apparently I live an interesting enough life to give vlogging a go. I hate being in front of the camera though, and the thought of talking for hours by myself, to myself, on my own, then spending time editing footage of myself, listening back to myself…. it just does nothing for me.

One thing I do love though is bouncing ideas off interesting people. All of my best ideas were born from conversations with friends, so I’m thinking I’d rather do a talk show, or at least use the concept of a talk show, but in reality it would more be just hangs, with tunes, recorded and shared.

I could easily dedicate my lounge room to a talk show setup once a month (I have all the audio gear ready to go), Star could create a Soundcloud playlist for every show and with Ved’s help I’ll be able to create some pretty tight videos. I have a huge list of exciting people to invite over for hangs too.

Dangerous, as obviously it has to be uncensored (some opinions will surely polarise!), but it could be really rewarding to do me thinks! Thoughts?!

Had an old friend stay with me last week. Liz, who I met in my early 20’s through my ex-Caryn (who I went out with for 7 years). Liz and I would always take up the most room on the dance floor (cause our moves man! They were fucking wild!), and be the last few on it too. We even lived together at one point, seems like so many lives ago now!

I’ve not seen Liz in years, but as expected, the catch up was awesome! Deep D&M’s, we even had a fight at one stage (and yup I was put in my place haha!). She’s a powerhouse of energy, a Goddess, a sister. I’m so proud of her. I’ve got her back, always.

I have a largely addictive personality. Vices are a normality to me (and so I try my best to not look at vices as a negative thing) and balance is something I’ve always struggled to achieve.

I love the grey area. I live and strive in it. I’m generally a driven, positive, happy and motivated person 99% of the year. I’m a great shoulder to lean on for friends in need (I actually genuinely like picking up the pieces and helping people mend), and an even better ass kicker when needed, but logic wins, and every now and then I crash.

Too much of a good thing.

I drink to get drunk. I smoke to get high. I’ve been drinking and smoking since I was a teenager. I love being fucked up just as much as I love being straight. Last year I had an epic wobbly. I wasn’t sleeping much (about 4-5hrs a night). I was smoking way too much weed, and instead of feeling all the benefits (calming anxiety, feeling creative etc) I felt the opposite. I had my very first anxiety attack. I don’t even really want to talk about it as thinking about it scares me so much. I can only describe it as a pain you want to massage, but for some reason you can’t quite find the spot to massage.

I bounced back from that pretty quickly by cutting down, but for the past few months I’ve fallen into that hole again. Smoking too much which in turn has me ignoring people, losing motivation and most crucially losing self love. Just the other day I hit the bottom once again, I even had a good cry on the phone to a friend (who was fucking shocked lol! I’ve not cried since my Dad died when I was 18, and holy fucking shit crying felt so fucking amazing!!!!!!!! MUST CRY MORE!).

So 3 days ago I broke my bong, with my Dad’s hammer too which I’ve held on to ever since I was a kid. It felt good. I’m feeling sharper already 3 days in. I’m smoking more ciggies and tempted to hit the booze, but I’m sure I’ll cut those down too in good time.

Rehab is for quitters.

In regards to drugs. I’m not sure I want to quit drugs entirely. I love how my mind works on drugs. I love myself, and if I really wanted to quit I am sure I could, but if I “try” to quit and I don’t succeed, well then surely I’d find myself liking myself a little less and that’s a sure recipe for disaster.

/rant.

PS: It feels good to get this out. If reading this has triggered some thoughts, whether it’s a similar experience, or tips on cutting down or even quitting, or anything really! I’d love to hear them, so please share in the comments below.

I’ve been threatening/dreaming/meaning to move to Melbourne for so long, that coupled with all this sad Sydney shit going on, I’m thinking about moving more than ever.

I figure I’ll be living in a great city that supports creative culture, and visiting Sydney would be AMAZING. It would feel like the same old Sydney I love, almost. I could just enjoy Sydney without the politics, then fly back “home” to Melbourne and do what I do.

I’d still have an issue with potentially getting a criminal record (which could make flying overseas difficult) for traces of the weekend in my saliva whilst driving, that started in Melbourne right? Not sure how I’m going to get around that one without leaving the country.

Right now I just feel like I’m backed into a corner, but I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re trying to do to Sydney; Kick people like me out and make it a safe pleasant “vibrant” place for people from overseas to visit. Me being someone who was born here and loves this city so much. Me being someone who is so grateful for all the amazing (now illegal) experiences I’ve had, all of which have shaped me to the person I really like being today.

Robbie and Krysti picked me up on their way to Moore Park Driving Range for a hit today. Always an awesome release! I’ve lost my club somewhere, so I’ve now got an excuse to maybe buy one again (of-course I don’t care for anything but that “ping” sound the titanium drivers make!).

Nana’s B’Day x Bowie Tribute. Was nice to be hanging out with people my own age for a change!!!

I’m a motherfucking Ninja, that’s what!!!

So many fan boys. #needmorefangirls

I’ve finally reached Max Rank 50 in Star Wars Battlefield! I only needed to get there in order to unlock the Shadow Trooper outfit (it’s sooooo sick!).